The Great Logging Adventure

Dear friends, the other day, whilst logging (which any lumberjack such as myself is wont to do), an extraordinary thing happened to me. I will try to explain now what it was, although, to be honest, even now I'm not entirely sure of what all transpired.

The Great Logging Adventure, Part the First

A true story

The sun slowly grew, towering over the great forests of... let's say Dongland (Names are changed for the sake of storytelling). Thick coats of snow melted into slow rivers and shallow ponds only to be licked up by the thirsty tongues of cute woodland creatures. Silently the early birds got their worms and the deer pranced around and taught the rabbits the tenets of witchcraft and satan-worship.

I silently stalked my prey- a mighty Cedar, coated in ice from the frozen morning dew. I hid behind a nearby Pine and waited until it turned its gargantuan wooden back. I heard a chitter, and looked to see if I had, perhaps, caught the Cedar at its mealtime, but it stood still as a rock. A small squirrel was eating a nut high up in its bows, and I contemplated making a pun. I am above, that, however, and reconsidered.

A shiver swept up my spine and I felt eyes upon me- the Cedar had spotted me! With as much gusto as I could muster, I let out a fierce battlecry and swung my axe at its vulnerable spot (you know, that one spot). The blow connected, and the giant stood motionless as the life drained from its frozen carcass.

I sighed in relief and took a step back, my axe still deeply embedded in its trunk, right in its vulnerable section, and marveled. She was a beauty. I found myself whistling that thing you whistle when you see something impressive.

After a moment of quiet reverence for the mighty beast I had just brutally murdered, I went about taking the ice off its bark. Happily I went about the arduous process, whistling a cheery tune taught to me by my grandfather (The song was 'Just Want to Play Videogames', a song passed down the generations from our German ancestors), when suddenly a shadow loomed over me. I spun around at the sound of menacing growling, and there I saw a...

CLIFFHANGER