The Great Logging Adventure, Part the Third
As told by Charles Dickens. Nah, just kidding.
Recap: I was in the woods and some stuff happened and then I found this thing.
I looked under the trapdoor and saw a pit. A deep pit, and since the sun was just beginning to climb above the trees, I couldn't see what was inside. I contemplated shouting down to see if there was anyone in it, but then I realized that that was a stupid idea. Instead, I slowly lowered myself in and then let go because how deep could it really be?
It could be very deep, which it was. Were it nor for my great Lumberjack fortitude, I might have broken an ankle or perhaps my bedroom performance might be poorer (Ladies, I am available), but it would have taken a much deeper pit to stop me.
I stumbled around in the darkness for a few moments, until I stopped hitting a wall and realized I was in some type of corrider. I tripped over something soft and hairy, but I couldn't find it again after I returned to my feet. Stalwart, I continued in the general direction I figured I had been heading in.
I turned a corner, and was bathed in a dim green flourescent light. It was spilling through a doorway at the end of the corrider. Inside the room I heard the whir of a buzzsaw and the tear-inducing whinny of an innocent woodland creature (one of the only things that can bring a Lumberjack to tears), this one of a bear. A single tear slid down my cheek.
I tightly gripped my hatchet and charged into the room, because fuck stealth. Inside were horrors too horrific to describe, so I won't, but believe me, they were freaky (You must be so creeped out right now).
"We meet again, Grizzly Slate!" He said like a Bond Villain. "I see you're still growing that disgusting face-mat. I don't suppose you've dropped the fake American accent?" (for the sake of story-telling imagine that I am Liam Neeson, but with a rugged beard and a completely authentic American accent).
"Doctor Xavier Sidious? I should have suspected." I said in my deep, sultry, manly voice. "How long do you expect your... creations...." I gestured to the horrific things around the room (seriously creepy shit you don't even wanna' know) ,"To let you torture them before they turn on you? Have you gone mad?"
"I don't know." he said, in his unmistakably german accent (he is a nazi, I'm pretty sure I mentioned it) "I don't keep my pets for very long. After I have made sure they are sufficient killing machines, I sell them to the highest bidder! Soon men will no longer have to die for the petty wims of mad politicians! By sacrificing a few bears, I will save countless human lives, and hopefully make enough money to finance further philanthropic causes!" he said, very evil-ly.
"Not if I can help it." I said, and sprang into action. Before I could chop his evil head off with my trusty hatchet, I heard a heavy growling behind me, and turned to find the bear I had encountered in the forest, and tripped over on the way to Dr. Sidious' lair!
Also suddenly, the bear revealed a hidden weapon. He had been hiding, behind his back the entire time, a-
CLIFFHANGER
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