Before I bore you to death on my opinion of that whole shlock, here's the second part of my epic tale that happened like 2 days ago.
The Great Logging Adventure, Part the Second
Still being told by me
Recap: Read the first part, you lazy fuck
I turned, and saw, towering over me, a giant bear. I was unphased at first, having wrestled down my fair share of the hairy beasts, but this one was different. Perhaps it was the color of his claws, or the way his eye glowed red, or maybe it was the way half of his face was gone, replaced with a steel bionic eye and jaw. Looking back, I think it was the claws.
Suddenly he swiped at me, and I moved toward him to avoid the 5 foot long bony protrusions sticking out of his hand (by bony protrustions I don't mean boners, although that would be pretty sweet). While I avoided a nasty decapitation, I didn't avoid a hard blow to my rugged, manly chest, and I was flung a good 10 feet to the side. I remained motionless, and the bear strode up.
I held my breath, praying he didn't have heat vision in his bionic eye. He nudged me with his nose, let out a roar that I feared was a precursor to a meal, then walked away. I quickly rose and followed him as closely as I safely could. Had he somehow grown a bionic implant, or had some madman turned him into a cyborg killing machine?
I contemplated forgetting the bear or trying to retrieve my axe before giving chase, but I knew that by now it would have been firmly cemented in the tree. I still had my hatchet at my side, as well as the large hunting rifle I had cleverly hidden in my ass.
For many hours I followed the bionic bear, waiting when it stopped, and having to hide behind trees quite a few times when the beast deined to take a peak back, praying that the trees didn't detect any danger from me and leap out of the way. Thankfully, non did.
Finally, after a particularly long stretch of walking followed by a rapid sprint, the bear turned one more time, peered around, and then seemed to sink into the ground. I raced to where he had been only moments before, but it seemed the titan had vanished. I jabbed the handle of my axe into the snow where the tracks disappeared, and was met with some kind of barrier. I swept the snow away, and saw a large wooden trap door under my feet. I hadn't seen the bear trigger any switch or press a button, so I jumped up and down on the door hoping to break it. Then I remembered I had a hatchet in my hand and quickly began swinging at it.
The wood was thick but I was thicker (I'm talking about my penis). Through perseverance I cut through it, and lowered myself onto my stomach to get a better view of what lay inside. I was shocked to find that under the trapdoor was a
CLIFFHANGER
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