DADDY WAS A BANK ROBBER

So I've finally gotten over my short stint of writer's block, and I've got around two pages of a story. Once I've gotten a bit further and I'm satisfied I'll post it up here. Not that that will accomplish anything that having it sitting on my desktop wouldn't, but still.

An open letter to the USA Network

Dear USA Network:

You have some of my favorite shows on television, and even though I don't love every single one of them, I can tolerate all of them, because you seem to keep a pretty a high standard of quality for your original programming.

So why, when you get your hands on a show like Burn Notice, do you try so hard to ensure I never get to see it? You've got House for fuck's sake, so why is NCIS always on? Law and Order: Criminal Intent is easily the best Law and Order, but the only time you play it is at 3 in the morning on weekdays and in all-day marathons on some holidays, when it can only be enjoyed by losers who don't have friends or family to spend time with.

I've been a fan of Monk for around 2 years now and I still haven't seen every episode, yet I'm sure I would be able to catch the entire catalogue of NCIS in a month if I felt like it. A new season of In Plain Sight is coming up, so I can understand it always being on, but why the hell don't you do the same for Burn Notice or Psyche?

And the problem isn't just NCIS. Sure, it's a lame CSI rip-off, but it's not terrible. It's that, right now, I guess because you just acquired the rights, it's one of the only things that's ever on. You've got so much great stuff you could be using every day instead of playing the new thing until it's stale and then shoving it in the closet for half a decade.

I already rarely watch USA because I'm tired of watching the same episode of House over and over (that one where House is all grumpy) and with a good schedule I bet you could bring in some much better ratings then you're doing now.

Or, alternatively, send Olivia Wilde to my house naked and I will never watch another network again.

Man if this car just burst into flames right now

So earlier this week I thought I was terrible at being a Spy in Team Fortress 2 but it turns out I'm not too bad so what I'm saying is HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE

I think I might try to write something for Blizzard because they have a contest or something. I'm jotting down some ideas as I write this so we'll what happens

flight of the conchords fan art

I've been doodling the various parts for a few weeks and I figured I'd try and combine them, but certain parts of it look sort of empty, so I'm going to cop-out and say it's an on-going project.

I am a hollow shell of a man

I've got nothing. I started writing some stupid story about David Bowie in space, but it's terrible I think. I'm trying this crazy 'write one paragraph a day' approach, which I think is a really good idea because writing for 8 hours straight and then doing nothing for half a month just makes me feel lousy.

I was thinking of writing a story about this guy who goes to the same church I used to go to named Jim Fogg. I know almost nothing about him, but he's so depressing. He smiles and laughs and everything but it always just makes you feel bad somehow, and then that makes you feel bad because maybe he can tell and you don't want him to think he's depressing you.

I do know that most of his family is dead, and I was thinking about expanding on that. Maybe there was some kind of family business that got them all killed, and Jim was active in it until they all died and then he swore to never have any hand in it again, and then maybe for some reason he has to set everything right or maybe he tries to fix some problem he started back in the biz. I'm not sure but it seems like it has some potential, maybe once I run out of ideas for this stupid David Bowie thing.

BLOGS HAVE BECOME OUTDATED SINCE MY LAST POST

Okay, so I haven't posted anything here in like a month at least, so sorry guy who read my blog once. Now I know why you aren't reading it now. So Watchmen came out and it was awesome, I started regularly going to the gym again, and not much else happened. I might be employed again, soon, because a CVS is opening near me and my aunt is friends with the person who is going to be managing it, so she's going to recommend me and then maybe I can get some cash flow going in between all my lumberjacking.

I feel like I've got to write something but I don't know what. So I'm going to sleep on it and see if I get any good ideas.

MICHAEL PHELPS IS A DRUGGIE

Michael Phelps was smoking reefer, and somebody took a photo of it. Now he's been suspended from USA Swimming's governing body (it's probably some type of scaly fish-human hybrid body), and all I have to say is

WHAT?

He should be put to death! Marijuana is the most addictive drug there is! Millions of people are killed every year overdosing on pot, and now here's an Olympic gold medal winner, practically telling our kids to go out and smoke some bud.

I say he should be hanged for causing the deaths of the kids who will inevitably die because they thought weed was cool because they saw Phelps do it. Banning him for 3 months for using this dangerous substance is far too lenient. Also I think he's gay, and we don't want our children turning homo on us.