Funk Dump

Hey blog, I'm in a funk. I don't mean that in a good way, unfortunately. I don't like to say I'm in a bad mood, because that implies anger to me. It's more like my mood is not there. I feel tired all the time but I can't sleep. Restlessness sounds good. I get restless.

The way it works is generally I start pitying myself for my situation, but then I realize that it's my fault that I am where I am. I feel like nobody cares about me, but then I realize that people do, there just aren't enough of them or they aren't the right people because I'm conceited and I want to look down on people. It's a continuing cycle until something fun happens to break me out of it for a little while.

I mean, I don't deserve anyone's pity, least of all my own. I've been handed everything in my life and I screwed it all up. Every time I find something good I ruin it. I always do. But I've still got it good, even after I have done everything so horribly. There are kids in Africa without families, and without homes, so what do I have to feel bad about? That I don't have a hundred friends? That I'm not rich?

So that's it. I don't know. I just wish I didn't feel bad. I don't think I deserve to feel bad.